Dealing with Sexuality

DEALING WITH SEXUALITY

Introduction:

Sex is essential for the existence of the mankind and makes us beautiful. But the lack of proper understanding and awareness about Sex makes an individual to sense it just as a sensation or an identity or as an act. When sex is just seen partial without balance, it could make an individual to be depressed or exaggerating, be inferior or superior, and be isolated or seeking opportunity. Both the extremes are dangerous and again when each of it is experienced individually or combined with others, it would have a great negative effect over self or others.

A combination of sensation, identity and act for pleasure or procreation:

The sexuality helps to identify the gender of the person with the specific characteristics associated for we are designed as male and female. The purpose of sex in its nature and design is for pleasure and procreation, accompanied by intimacy between a male and female who are committed with one another. When the act of sex is sought only for pleasure, it will not be pleasure but it will become a dependence and compulsive disorder. The man and woman were made to be intimate with one another that they may be one in flesh which could be only possible only when the intimacy exist between a single man and single woman.

Sexual Development, Changes and Identity:

The sexual development in an individual is progressive and it is distinct in every phase. Some of the major changes in different stages could be as follows:

S.No	Stages (Range of age may change based on individuals)	Major Changes
1	Early Childhood (0-7 years)	Exploration of the body with Ignorance
2	Later Childhood (8-12 years)	Gender Identity and primary development of sexual organs
3	Teenage (13-17)	Sexual attractions & Stimulations, Exploring Sex curiously especially with peers or be isolated, Longing for relationship / building relationship with gender of attraction, May affect others
4	Early Young Age (18-27 years)	Sexual attractions, Getting addicted to stimulation and involve in self-gratification and even may affect others, Seek a committed partner to fulfil the emotional and sometimes physical needs/ seek more opportunities
5	Later Young Age (28-35 years)	Sexual attractions, Get committed to a partner and have an intimate relationship for pleasure and procreation or be isolated or try to attract / betray and indulge with as many as possible
6	Early adulthood (36-50 years)	Sexual attractions, Lagging relationship with the committed partner but still holds the commitment or be isolated or try to attract / betray and indulge with as many as possible, Deterioration of health
7	Later adulthood (51-60 years)	Sexual attractions, Lagging relationship with the committed partner but still holds the commitment or be isolated or try to attract / betray and indulge with as many as possible, Further deterioration of health
8	Old Age (61 years andabove)	Sexual attractions, Lagging relationship with the committed partner but still holds the commitment or be isolated or try to attract / betray and indulge with as many as possible, Further deterioration of health

 

We are, Male and Female based on the physical nature or characteristics, sometimes gender may be unidentified with or by certain individuals. All the human beings couldn’t deny the fact that they are all the composition of physical, emotional and intellectual aspects. This makes the humans very distinct and when there is a deviation or imbalance in consideration of all the aspects, there could be instability and even confusion, because all the aspects are not just controlled by self but influenced by the environment. Even the gender identity of an individual is put into confusion due to the influence of the environment. It is very much necessary to understand about gender and sexual feelings physically, emotionally and mentally.

Physical Aspects

Physically, a human being is identified based on gender through their genitals. Sometimes there could be some defect in the genitals or even some internal sex organs that the gender could not be identified more definitely through the physical attributes. Men have their own physical nature and sexual stimulation and women have their own sexual stimulation due to the difference in their physical structure. The design of the human beings is very unique and special that everything is very much interrelated which makes them more complex to understand both by self as well as by others. Men and Women exist naturally to complement one another and their structures were designed based on that.                

Psychological Aspects

Psychologically, a human being is identified based on gender through their behaviour. Men have their own style and behaviour that is mostly authoritative and dominant whereas the Women have their behaviour that is mostly submissive and considerate. The way of walking, talking, sensing, in-taking, pursuing and so on varies differently for the men and women.

Emotional Aspects

Emotionally, a human being is identified based on gender through the way they feel. Men are mostly courageous and take lead with less seriousness about security and closeness. Women are mostly dependent and serious about their future wanting for security and closeness.

Social Aspects

Socially, a human being is identified based on gender through the way they are treated. Men are mostly given independence to roam around all alone, get the freedom to choose whereas most of the women are not allowed to act independent, having lot of restrictions with a very closed environment.

Sexual Stimulations:

Every human being who has attained the age of adolescence has the hidden sexual urge or an impulse which could be turned on anytime and completely affect any human being by deviating them from the values and principles when it is not carefully tamed. A person identifies the clear difference in being a specific gender after the age of adolescence. The sense of shyness and search of identity arise at the stage. The person’s way of looking at the opposite gender is no more the same way as it was before adolescence but it completely changes. The person gets to know the sexual drive through many sexual stimulations which could be through seeing something that involves physical intimacy between two beings, seeing the opposite gender sensitively, hearing or talking about sexual things, talking casually or sensually with opposite gender or even through a simple touch or intentional touch, especially in the sensitive organs. The stimulations need not be always external, it could be also internal. Even a simple thought or reflection and self-touch in the private organs or giving pressure in the genital arena could turn the sexual impulse.

Dealing With Sexual Impulses:

While there is a sexual stimulation or erection, automatically some hormones in the body starts secreting and it would stop its activity only when a person takes a very strong turn back to leave the stimulation at that very point or leave the erection unnoticed. Stimulations could be external or internal with consciousness whereas erection is not conscious and occurs when the body fluids are filled in a sexual organ. Most of the people would give way to it by self-indulgence or continuous seeing or hearing of sexual things to get to the point of ejaculation or orgasm and continuous points of ejaculation or orgasm still it gets bored at that particular moment or sexual energy is completely drained at that particular moment. Some people who are courageous or who don’t care about other person indulge in sexual activity with the order person in order to gratify their sexual urge, the person whom they indulge with could be a means for their sexual stimulation or may not be a cause. All the means of indulging with sexual impulses either involving others, materials or self without a purpose would be very temporary and never be pleasing with joy and satisfaction and it would be just vain.  

The means of dealing with sexual urge or impulses differs for different person at different periods at different places. For instance, at the times when the person is alone or in a comfortable place, the sexual urge would be mostly considerate of the physical aspect alone and at the times when the person is in a committed relationship like marriage, the sexual urge would be considerate of physical, psychological, emotional and social aspects.

Dealing with the changes:

Though there could be some measures that could be thought of to control sexual desires such as avoiding loneliness, involving in creative or interested activities that could deviate the mind, spending time with people, fleeing from the stimulations, etc. sometimes it doesn’t provide a solution to control the sexual desires as we are born with the sexual identity and the intensity of the sexual desires are much intense. At the same time we cannot be alone being completely in the sexual thoughts when it is unhealthy for us emotionally or psychologically, involving in some creative activities may be helpful as we cannot avoid being alone at times as there will not be people around all the time. Spending time with trustworthy and beloved people who are really interested in our wellbeing could be valuable to control sexual desires. Fleeing from the stimulations and immediately deviating the mind would also will be fine in controlling the sexual desires. Though there are lot of measures that could be taught, the intensity of the sexual impulses are very great as it could nullify the efforts and make us indulge till the temporary emphatic reliefs are achieved. Thereby it needs a strong commitment to avoid sexual thoughts, stimulations and impulses.

Deviations (Inappropriate way of handling):

The sexual impulses that are untamed would make a person to be less productive in personal and other arenas of life. The person who doesn’t tame the sexual passions will defile the self by much stimulation and defile other when (s) he indulges with intimate relationship with them without a commitment. And it is very true that the sexual passions are never going to be fulfilled even if a person has the intimacy with thousands of other people. The untamed sexual impulses are ever ending and directionless not only affecting the self but also others when they are involved. The untamed sexual passions are only ended at the destiny of death or strong physical impairment.

Higher Values:

There will be great sense of accomplishment and joy that surpasses all knowledge and understanding when a person could preserve the self from the sexual impulses without acting it with someone and waiting to a point of committed marital relationship and bondage, after which they could express themselves which would promote great intimacy that is much pleasing, joyful and great than having sexual relationship with thousands of persons of opposite gender for a temporary gratification. Thinking consciously and constantly about a future partner who is unknown and who will be a close associate may be helpful to control the sexual desires within the self.  

The heart of a noble woman:

“I was born like the man and been welcomed

But still there is a slight difference in the response

I was playing like the man and been guided

But still I need to be careful while I sit and stand

I was roaming like the man and been watched

But still I should not go out in the dark or late

I was sleeping like the man and been left

But still I have to be closed and be cautious

I was standing like the man and been waiting

But still I have to avoid being casual and normal

I was growing like the man and had changes

But still I was restricted and been controlled

I was studying like the man and had knowledge

But still practicing the learning is limited

I was working like the man and had experience

But still I am caught in to a routine and locked

I was clothing like the man and closed myself

But still I couldn’t relax freely even at home

Even I did all that were expected, though not really liked,

The evil eye of the man didn’t spare me from snare

The invalid intentions are behind the mind

Not just I, but also a new born and an old too

Are at the greater risk of being harassed

So, I knew that unless the man changes the outlook

Sexual Harassment will never ease and decrease.

If there is no sexual harassment, sexual abuse declines.

We may not change and influence everyone,

But there is a greater difference when there is change is one,

To empathize and act that woman need to live their life.

Will you be the ONE? 

Conclusion:

The nature of sexuality is special within every man and woman. It could be destructive or constructive. It could be destructive when the person acts out of self-control and behaves in such a way to gratify himself with whatever means possible. It could be constructive when the person acts out of control and commitment towards one person with whom (s) he wants to be intimate with the rest of his life. The act of sexuality could never solve the problem of sexuality for it only intensifies it till the sexual energy is completely drained in an individual. But the Commitment and Intimacy makes the sexual act enjoyable and makes the life more content even after sexual energy is completely drained, that is the beauty of God’s creation and the wondrous disclosure behind sexuality. Sexuality is only one part of a person’s life which should be balanced with some other emotions and cognitions.

Usually it would be thought in teenage, ’Why the problem/ thought of sexuality is continuously pursuing?’ because of the criticism and wrong values derived from friends and other wrong teachings. Mostly everyone say that immorality is wrong, but no one explain why sexuality exists, for what it exists, and how do we need to handle it. Thereby it could be understood only after careful study and analysis that sexuality has influence in person’s feelings of shyness, pride, submissiveness, acceptance, commitment when the real purpose of sexuality is felt and when the act is not just mechanical.

Even if the whole world focuses on power and position, thereby gives authority and dominion to the Men over women, we shall follow what is right by being fair and following integrity.

We shall practice allowing the other person get their rights or privileges as we get it for ourselves, we shall not do an act to the other person that hurts them as we don’t allow it to be done to us, we shall let the other person live their life that is joyful and respectable, as we try to live our life.